Taking Down the Facade

March 17, 2015 By: Melissa

If you’ve spent any time in ministry, especially with women, chances are you’ve been hurt, burned, back-stabbed or misunderstood.

It’s painful. It’s brutal. It flat out sucks the wind from your sails. And in order to protect yourself from getting hurt again, you put up a façade.

Chances are you probably don’t even remember when you started to wear that mask, but to protect your heart, you did.

I did it too. After fifteen years in ministry, I have seen it all, experienced a lot of incredibly tough stuff and had my heart broken many times.

I built a protective barrier around myself—the façade—in order to keep people from getting close to the real me.

In doing so, though, I also kept myself completely isolated.That led to feelings of loneliness, isolation and, at times, even depression. It wasn’t until about six years ago I decided to lay down the mask and let God show me how to put away the façade.

Paul told the Roman Christians,

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other” (Romans 12:9-10 NLT).

In other words, God tells us,

“Lay down your mask! Get real! Love people!”

If you are struggling with this like I have, here are a few things to help you as you learn to lay down your mask.

1. Pray First

Ask God to open your heart and allow you the opportunity to just be you. Ask Him to be your protector, and to also bring you a few truly special, safe friends who can come around you as you take these steps.

2. Talk to Your Spouse or Close Family Member

If you’re married, talk it over with your spouse. Ask him to be a part of the process with you and seek out his prayers.

If you’re not married, talk it over with a close family member who understands you and your struggle to be more authentic in ministry.

3. Talk to Your Pastor

If you’re in ministry at a local church, I encourage you to talk it over with your pastor. Ask him to pray for you as you step into new territory in ministry.

This takes another step of vulnerability. I understand that. But by bringing your pastor in on this process, he can help you venture into new territory.

4. Give Yourself Time

If you’ve been in ministry for more than ten years, you’ve probably slowly built up the façade. It’s not going to just disappear; it will take time.

Make sure you allow yourself time to release years of protective layers around your heart.

5. Give It All Back to God

Whatever steps you make, and however long it takes, if God has called you to ministry, He has equipped you to do it as well.

Celebrate the small steps. Give Him all the glory and continue moving forward.

I know it’s not going to be easy—it wasn’t for me either—but the women God has brought into our lives are desperate for women in ministry to be real, to show them what it is like to live out ordinary lives with God at the forefront.

Let’s take this step together and see what God will do.

Are you wearing a mask today? What is keeping you behind the façade? What will you do to “get real” so God can minister through your transformed life?

This post was originally posted on 2/24/15 over at Upgrade with Dawn. DawnHeader

Have you heard of Upgrade with Dawn? You should check it out…

Just as we upgrade our cell phones, appliances, hairstyles and so many other things … we can UPGRADE our lives. We can make positive decisions for change.

FRESH, ENCOURAGING Guest BLOGGERS on this site share how we can UPGRADE our attitudes, marriage, finances, parenting, and so many other areas. Especially our heart. Their voices will encourage, teach, and show how to improve, boost, enhance, uplift, repair, renovate and rebuild our lives – all synonyms for “UPGRADE!” UPGRADE also offers helpful tools and resources.

A Word To Boy Moms About Preparing Your Heart

March 10, 2015 By: Melissa

Attention boy moms, there’s going to come a time when you need to make room in your heart for your son’s special girl. Ouch, I know, that’s a tough one, especially if you have little boys at home right now. As a matter of fact it took me a long time to wrap my head (and my heart) around this, but I’m hoping that through my trial and error your transition might be a little smoother.

Attention boy moms, there’s going to come a time when you need to make room in your heart for your son’s special girl.

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Over the years it’s not always been easy, as any boy mom can attest to. They are rowdy, rambunctious, messy, smelly, and pretty much keep you on your toes every minute of every day. Yep, I’m a boy mom through and through. Those two precious boys wrapped this mama heart around their fingers so tightly that when they started to grow up it was painfully hard for me to let them.

I knew that the day would come when another girl would grab their heart but nothing really prepared me for sharing my boys with someone else. I had prayed for good, godly girls to come into their life, but when they showed up I struggled. Unfortunately it wasn’t a smooth transition either–for me, for the boys, or even the girls.

…for the rest of the post, head on over to the M.O.M. Initiative.

Tips for boy moms — learning how to share your boys with their girls.

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Don’t know about the M.O.M. Initiative? Here’s a little about what we do:

The M.O.M. Initiative is an acrostic for Mothers on a Mission to Mentor Other Mothers. Our goal is to minister to moms who know Christ and reach those who don’t.

As a ministry, we provide resources and support to help the body of Christ make mentoring missional…to not only begin to mentor moms within the four walls of the church, but to mentor moms beyond the walls of the church in order to impact our communities and this culture for Christ.

With resources for the local church and area ministries, training, an online database of M.O.M. Groups, daily online encouragement, and ministry support, The M.O.M. Initiative helps connect local churches and ministries with one another and with the community.

Did You Know That We Are Wired For Rest?

February 25, 2015 By: Melissa

Rest, it’s one of those four letter words that evokes a lot of varying emotions from people. There’s the exasperated sigh, the faraway gaze of someone in need of rest and also the “what are you, a wimp?” remark from someone that thinks you should just suck it up. But what if I told you that we are actually wired for rest. What would you say then?

Oh, I know, there are too many things to do, places to go and people to see to find time to rest. I get that. I’ve even heard it said from others that they’ll have time to rest when they die, but sweet friend, that is not how God created us.

Rest, is a four letter words that evokes a lot of varying emotions, but what it I told you that we’re actually wired for rest.

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———————> I’m over at the Internet Cafe Devotions today talking about how God wired us for rest. To find out what that means and how to get started on having some time to rest in your life, then visit me over at the Internet Cafe, you can click here to get there.

The Internet Café unites women of faith; unites women through the exhortation, edification and encouragement of each other through God’s guiding hand. We seek to unite women regardless of our stage of life or the signs that mark our church doors. Passionately we believe that through our written words we can support women on their own personal journey of faith, inspiring them to live as true disciples.

Book Review: Becoming a Spiritually Healthy Family, by Michelle Anthony

February 15, 2015 By: Melissa

My Thoughts About the Book:

Quick, easy to read but powerfully packed with real practical advice on to avoid the 6 dysfunctional parenting styles. Michelle Anthony has written a book that any mom or dad can pick up right this very minute and start to apply the Biblical truths tucked into 191 pages of this book.

What I really love about it is that in each chapter there are steps to get practical, because let’s face it, we can read lots of great stuff, but if we don’t take the time to drill it down into practical steps that we can apply to our lives, then chances are it’s just another book we read that we put up on our shelf. Michelle also takes it a step further and has a “reflect and respond” section at the back of each chapter.

With chapters like these you can jump straight to the topic you want to focus on first (I know I did, I scooted myself right over to the chapter on “Relinquishing Control – For The Micro-Managing Parent”.)

Here’s a list of the other chapters:
– Chapter 1: The Director and the Script – Choosing the Abundant Life
– Chapter 2: The Six Dysfunctions of Parenting – Omitting God From the Scene
– Chapter 3: Kissing The World Good-Bye – For the Double-Minded Parent
– Chapter 4: Free Indeed – For The I-Can’t-Say-No Parent
– Chapter 5: Beyond the Pursuit of Perfection – For the Driver Parent
– Chapter 6: Relinquishing Control – For the Micro-Managing Parent
– Chapter 7: A Time to Bless – For the Criticizing Parent
– Chapter 8: Living a Meaningful Family Mission – For the Absentee Parent
– Chapter 9: Beyond Good Behavior and Chore Charts – For the Spiritually Healthy Family
– Chapter 10: Remember and Celebrate the Abundant Life – Rites of Passage for Our Children

On top of that, she even takes it a step further and helps you in writing a family mission statement, which is something we’ve done in our family over the years. Moms and Dads, if you’re looking for a great book on taking your family to the next level, then you need to check out “Becoming a Spiritually Healthy Family”. Even though my kids are now “adults”, I’m reading and learning right alongside you even still today.

What kind of family do you want to have? Find out in “Becoming a Spiritually Healthy Family”.

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About the book:

Becoming a Spiritually Healthy Family: Avoiding the 6 Dysfunctional Parenting Styles (David C. Cook, January 2015)We all want to guide our children into the abundant life that Jesus offers. But when we pursue the more and better that the world offers above our pursuit of Jesus, we fall into dangerous parenting habits. In Becoming a Spiritually Healthy Family, Michelle Anthony unpacks six common dysfunctional parenting styles that we fall into out of habit, lack of attention, or just oversight due to busyness. If you long to show your children Jesus but don’t know how to do it, you’ll find hope in this practical guide to creating a relentlessly grace-filled home that is focused on God as first in charge.Includes Scripture guides, reflection questions, ideas for family rites of passage, and other real life family examples.

You can purchase a copy for yourself here: http://bit.ly/1BSJpxN

About the author:

Michelle Anthony is the vice president of Learning Resources and Family Ministry Architect at David C Cook and the author of Spiritual Parenting, Dreaming of More for the Next Generation, A Theology of Family Ministry, and The Big God Story. Michelle has graduate degrees in Christian education, theology, and leadership and over twenty-five years of church ministry experience as a children’s and family pastor. She lives in Colorado Springs and loves a good book and a cup of coffee.

Find Michelle online: website, Facebook, Twitter

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Tackling A Few Motherhood Myths

October 21, 2014 By: Melissa

Today I’m over at The M.O.M. Initiative talking about

“Motherhood Is Hard Work – It’s Time For Moms To Stick Together”.

Without a doubt being a mom is one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had in my life. Never would I have imagined the sheer number of emotions and the intensity each one brings with it. It’s true, motherhood is hard work, and it’s time for moms to stick together.

It’s my heart that by coming to you as a “seasoned” (that’s a nicer way of saying “older”) mom and sharing a little bit of what I’ve learned on the journey of being a mom.

Here’s what I can tell you…it doesn’t get easier.

Yeah, not the answer you expected, I know. Yes, each stage has its highs and lows, but the motherhood part–well, it’s just as hard today as it was the day I brought my little bundle of joy home. Now that bundle of joy is inching closer to twenty one and the “baby”, well, he’s closing in on nineteen.

So you see, I’ve been on this motherhood journey for a very long time. Here are a few motherhood myths that I’ve seen along the way.

Motherhood Myths

I can do it all on my own – This happens when we can’t, won’t or don’t ask for help. We put on our wonder woman suit and will do whatever it takes to get it done.

Here’s the truth – Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT

Here’s a better way – Seek out a couple of friends that you can count on to jump in and help you get it done. Whether it is a babysitting swap so you can get your cleaning done, or coordinating a group outing so that you can take some time to just slow down and breathe a little bit.

——————> Head on over to The M.O.M. Initiative to read the other 2 Motherhood Myths and while you are there, find out a little more about the incredible group of moms over there…you’ll be so glad you did!

Have you heard about the M.O.M. Initiative?

Here’s a little bit about what we’re doing…

The M.O.M. Initiative is an acrostic for Mothers on a Mission to Mentor Other Mothers. Our goal is to minister to moms who know Christ and reach those who don’t.

Visual Verse: Don’t Be Concerned About The Outward Beauty

October 15, 2014 By: Melissa

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 1 Peter 3:3-4 NLT

In a world that is focused on what’s on the outside it’s such a sweet reminder that God cares more for what’s on the inside of a woman…her heart and her love for Jesus.

Visual Verses are simply verses that have been on my heart and that I’ve made into graphics. I am a very visual kinda girl and I love a pretty little pic along with my verse so that I can print them out and post them wherever I might need them…in the car, on the nightstand, or in my journal.

They are also for you too!

You are more than welcome to download them or even pin them on your pinterest pages.

As a matter of fact I would love it if you did, they are yours to enjoy as well.

Seeking JOY on the Journey,
Melissa

The Grass Withers – Visual Verse

October 2, 2014 By: Melissa

The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever.
Isaiah 40:8 ESV

I love this verse! If you click the link then you will also be able to see it in the NIV and MSG translation. It always great to see the different translations of the verse because inevitably something pops out you in a way that you’ve never noticed before. Go ahead…try it.

They are also for you too!

You are more than welcome to download them or even pin them on your pinterest pages.

As a matter of fact I would love it if you did, they are yours to enjoy as well.

Seeking JOY on the Journey,

Melissa

What If I Don’t Want To Forgive Them?

September 29, 2014 By: Melissa

Today I’m sharing over at the Internet Cafe Devotions site and I’m talking about something I’ve wrestled with a lot. Here’s a sneak peek.

When we hold on to that anger, resentment, bitterness, anxiety, frustration, and angst we are the ones left as a hot mess. Not the person or persons that “wronged” us, but us. Chances are they have moved on and gone about their lives while we wrestle and roll over what they said, what they did, how they deceived us or let us down.

We make ourselves sick.
We stress ourselves out and they have moved on.

Why? Why do we do that?

We don’t want that to happen.
We don’t want to wrestle with the anxiety and stress, but we do.

…to find out Why It’s Important To Forgive, Even When…We Don’t Want To make sure to go over to the Internet Cafe Devotions site today.

Want to know more about the Internet Cafe Devotions site?

It’s Time To Clear Out Some Clutter

September 23, 2014 By: Melissa

ClearingOutTheClutter

For God is not a God of disorder but of peace… 1 Corinthians 14:33a NLT

If you are like me there are some cabinets or closets in your house that are shoved, jammed, and packed full of “stuff”. So full, in fact, that when you open them you have to be on guard and ready for anything to happen.

My tupperware cabinet is like that, you pretty much take your life into your own hands if you want to get in or out of that cabinet. Right now you’ve already started to think about that cabinet or closet in your house. Sweat beads are rolling down your face as you even think about it.

There’s not even a remote chance that you would show it to anyone…not even your very best friend.

…Everywhere I turn there’s “stuff”.
It slowly accumulated over the years.
I didn’t even notice it was there until I started to pack things up, that’s when I realized that it’s all over the place.

———————for the rest of the story head on over to TheMOMInitiative as I share a little bit about what I am learning while I start to clear out the clutter in my life.

Wanna know more about what The M.O.M. Initative is? Take a minute to read the Mission Statement, it’s pretty amazing!

IF THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE RULES THE WORLD –

THEN THE CHURCH THAT MENTORS THOSE HANDS WILL WIN IT!

The M.O.M. Initiative is an acrostic for Mothers on a Mission to Mentor Other Mothers. Our goal is to minister to moms who know Christ and reach those who don’t.

Our vision: To Reach a MILLION MOMS for Christ

Our challenge: If only 3 women in 1/2 of the churches in the United States would mentor just 3 other mothers, that would translate into reaching 1,000,000 moms for Christ and impacting over 2,500,000 children.

Our request: That YOU would join us in changing the world ONE MOM at a TIME!

Music Review: Whole, by Jessa Anderson

September 21, 2014 By: Melissa

My Thoughts About the CD:

Jessa Anderson has done it again — Whole is gritty, honest, transparent and a little piece of her heart. I’ve enjoyed Jessa’s music since the release of her debut album (Not Myself Anymore) a few years ago and love watching her family, career and ministry grow. What I love the most about her music is that you can truly hear her love for Jesus. More than anything I love watching someone serve with every single bit of their heart and soul and listening in on Jessa’s music gives you a sneak peek right into what’s truly most important to her. Do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to listen to one of my new favorite songs from her new album, called IDOLS.

“Idols” video with lyrics:

I also had the privilege of reviewing Jessa’s debut album Not Myself Anymore back in February 2012, if you are interested in finding out more about my review you can read it here: https://www.melissamashburn.com/2012/02/05/music-review-jessa-anderson-not-myself-anymore/

About the CD from Jessa’s website:

I was recently asked how things have changed for me with the writing and releasing of Whole, my third full length project. My best answer is this: Whole is the project I’ve always wanted to make. Through this 6-year journey of writing, creating, releasing, and touring, I have pushed myself to be real—to be me. The songs on this record feel so very me, and so very true to life. They are one woman’s perspective to be sure, but sharing that perspective is half the battle. Freely giving of our hearts and minds is what draws us near, what allows us to identify with one another.

I could write volumes about this record and each of it’s individual songs, but in the interest of time, I will just say that life is not easily wrapped up in a beautiful package, or a 3 1/2 minute radio single. Whole encompasses both the shiny, happy moments, and the gory, gut-wrenching ones. My gladness in the gospel of Jesus is expressed through songs like “Everything”, “Never the Same”, and “Story of Grace”. Issues like divorce, dysfunction, and dissatisfaction are woven through “Breakdown”, “Stay”, and “Idols”. There’s even a love song, “Caught Me By Surprise”, thrown into the mix, co-written with my talented husband (a rare feat for the two of us)! Each of these songs means the world to me, and my hope is that you’ll soon say the same.

You can purchase a copy of the CD here: http://jessaanderson.com/shop

About the Artist:

Jessa Anderson, a singer/songwriter residing in Nashville, TN with her husband (and resident booking agent/manager/musician extraordinaire) Jordan and our two beautiful, crazy kiddos Lorelei and Jagger. Passionate about many things, and many I enjoy, but I believe there are very few things in life that really,truly matter. First, Jesus Christ. After that, people. From there it all starts to blur into the category of “you can’t take it with you”, so I’m doing my best to invest the majority of my time and effort toward the first two. As for music, and why it matters, I view it as a thread that runs far and wide, bringing people to God and to one another. I have a hard time labeling music in and of itself as “Christian”, but I am proud to be a Christ-follower making music encompassing both the human and the holy.

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